after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
