ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
