I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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