so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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