Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
