she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
