Having a random hookup so left but love u
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
