I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I love having hate sex.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
