How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
