I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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