I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
