Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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