I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
