there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
