let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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