I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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