Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
this will be a night to untag.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
