I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
