just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
