Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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