The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
time to smoke my breakfast
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
