did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
