everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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