Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
