We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
