guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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