so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
