didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
