I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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