3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Send help, water and tortillas.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
my poor anus
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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