puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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