My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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