Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
