i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
