my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
nutella sex= disaster
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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