It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
