Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
