I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
