somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
