I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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