Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
