Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
worst night to have a conscience
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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