i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
