Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
