someone owes me an orgasm
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We don't watch enough power rangers
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
