So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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