i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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