I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
So. Much. Porn.
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