**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
