Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
