"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
