so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
