just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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