I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
