When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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