dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
