I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
