Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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