Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
