i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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