she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
